when to say when

I’ve had a thought rumbling around in my head for a while now.  I’ve been reading the book of Acts as part of my daily time with God, and it’s captivating reading.  Tons of good God stuff all over the place.  The followers of Jesus get filled with the Spirit of God, start spreading the Good News everywhere, incredible results follow…

Something struck me over the past few days though.  Paul is headed to Jerusalem (toward the end of Acts) to celebrate Passover.  He stops along the way back from Macedonia and Greece to say goodbye to all the churches he’s planted.  The Holy Spirit has told him repeatedly that jail and suffering are waiting for him.  Prophets come out to meet him with words of doom.  But he’s determined to go.

It happens.  He arrives in Jerusalem, goes to the temple, a mob forms, Paul gets arrested.  He spends the next several years in various prisons.  He has some incredible ministry in prison–he writes letters to churches, preaches to the leading officials, all the Roman guard hears about Jesus.

I wonder if that was the best return on his life, though.  Would it have been better for him to be out of jail, travelling, planting churches, preaching, mentoring others…

When Peter got tossed in jail, the church prayed, and God sent an angel to open the prisong doors.  When Paul and Silas got locked up, God sent an earthquake to open the doors, but they sat tight (and convinced all the other prisoners to stay, too.)  Reading Paul’s story, it appears that Paul kept pushing the buttons to get moved all the way to Rome, and stay in prison.  Didn’t he want to be out of jail?

What made things different for Paul?  Why didn’t he listen to the warning sent by the Holy Spirit, and avoid Jerusalem?  How did he know that he was supposed to stay in prison?  Did he not know when to say when?

I want to live my life with such confidence in God’s direction, such intent, such purpose, such LIFE that I follow God all the way, every day, no matter what the cost, no matter what the circumstance, no matter how it looks on the outside.  I want to know that my decisions are moving me in God’s direction, that my choices are flowing from a firm grip on God.  I want to trust him with my every day, even when it’s painful, life-threatening, disconcerting, and grossly inconvenient.