what’s the deal with drawstrings?

I’m not quite sure when the trend started, but I’ve noticed that most of my shorts have drawstrings that go around my waist, and some even have ’em around the legs.  Do I really need those drawstrings?  I’ve been tempted to pull ’em out, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.  I mean, the shorts-engineer must have had a reason for including them in his award-winning design.  So I tried to be imaginative, thinking through the scenarios that they’d be useful…

-crossing a raging river, I slip on a moss covered rock and find myself being swept away by the current.  Good thing I have that drawstring or I might lose my shorts.

-hacking my way through the underbrush, I’m suddenly aware that I’m deep in the poison ivy jungle.  Good thing I have those drawstrings around my thighs.  Otherwise, I might get the poison.

-slipping quietly through the jungle, I’m attacked by a band of crazed tree monkeys, and a 20 foot boa constrictor.  Good thing I’ve got them drawstrings snugged up tight…

-taken unawares by the oncoming tornado, were it not for the safety factor of those fearless drawstrings, I might find myself embarrassingly shortless…

Honestly, I have no idea why they’re there.  I guess I’ll live with it.  But that brings me to my next thought:

Do I really need shorts with 47 pockets?  Seriously?