Our friend Joyce came over tonight. Annabelle was dealing with some stuff tonight, so Kim called in her Big Sisters to come help sort things out. It was a good call. Annabelle needed to talk, and Joyce was able to help her process through some stuff that’s been on her heart.
When we bought Annabelle her first doll, back in China, we suggested that she choose an Asian Barbie. Nothing doing–she went for the blond hair, blue eyed American model. We thought it was a little strange, but figured that she knew what she wanted. In fact, Annabelle didn’t seem to want anything that was Chinese looking; no Chinese dress, no Chinese dolls, no mementos.
I don’t know if it’s a normal part of the adoption/bonding/grieving process, but I think Annabelle was worried that we would be upset if she wanted to hold on to her Chinese roots. So she chose western dolls, western clothes, western toys.
The truth is that we are in favor of her staying in touch with her roots, and want to support her in that. We’re trying to make sure that she has people to talk with in Cantonese and Mandarin so that she doesn’t lose her language. We want to reinforce her heritage as part of who she is. She told Joyce that she didn’t want to offend us (my words, but her sentiment) by continuing to speak her native language.
We started to gain a little ground on a breakthrough the other day when Annabelle got to order her American Girl doll. Sadie and Lilly have them, and Annabelle was saving her money to buy one of her own. Kim steered her to choose one that looks like her, and it arrived yesterday. Long dark hair, and dark eyes.
She was beaming! She must have brushed and arranged that doll’s hair a thousand times before bed last night.
I find it interesting that she was concerned about offending us, while we were trying to support the very thing that worried her. It must have created some tension in her today. In fact, she didn’t want Joyce to even mention it to Kim. I’m so glad that she was able to ask us if it was ok for her to be Chinese!
I think that’s part of what God wants me to learn, too. Our past informs our present. The things that have happened in our lives shape who we are. Some of those things are good; some are bad. There are helpful things, and things that hurt. But everything is part of who we are. Some of the things are worth holding on to, and some of the things need to be buried and forgotten. But they all play a part in shaping who we are.
God wants to take all those things–the good as well as the bad–and transform them into something beautiful. He’s able to take the most hurtful thing and redeem it! How great is that?!
Annabelle is every bit our daughter, even though she has experiences and history that we don’t share. And that’s not a bad thing. It makes her unique and special, and is part of the big picture of who she is. And God is using all those pieces to put together a beautiful mosaic called Annabelle!
1 Comment
Jo Moseley · March 6, 2010 at 4:50 pm
Tears in my keyboard! What a beautiful analogy of how God uses both the “good” and the “bad” in our past help to turn us into a beautiful Mosaic.
The photo of the girls with their dolls is so lovely. I find their relationship to be very touching! Could you give those daughters of yours a hug from someone in Minnesota? I will be Praying for all of your family as you continue this journey with Annabelle.